“I entered this world to render judgment—to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.” (Jesus, from John 9:39)

One man sought counseling after a string of failed relationships. A smooth talker, his charm and charisma made him easily likable. However, much to his chagrin, his current girlfriend—whom he really cared about and wanted things to work out with—was raising the same issues as all of the other women in his past. He let out: “maybe they are all crazy!” Then, dropping the bravado, he softened: “but if they are all saying the same thing, maybe I'm the one with the problem.”

Like the man in John chapter 9, maybe we were all born blind.

Much of what happens in counseling is uncovering why we so often repeat the same self-defeating behaviors. That awareness can be liberating in some cases, as hidden feelings and motives are brought into the light. But sometimes we would rather not know. Self-deception and willful blindness can keep us from seeing the painful truths about us that we would rather not acknowledge. It can be easier to turn a blind eye to our own issues and blame others, justifying reactions and rationalizing behavior, rather than come to the conclusion that we might have a problem.

One tool to help open our eyes is the Johari Window. Developed by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955, it is a framework for increasing self-awareness, communication, and trust. In the two-by-two matrix we find:

• The Open Area: what is known to self and to others
• The Blind Spot: what is known to others but not to self.
• The Hidden Area: what is known to self but not to others.
• The Unknown: known neither to self or others.

While much can be said of the Hidden area and the value of transparency and vulnerability, what Jesus might be getting at in his discourse on spiritual blindness and sight can be found in quadrants two and four: Blind spots and the Unknown.

The Pharisees in Jesus’ time had all the answers. Experts in the finest minutia of the Law, they boasted of knowing more about God than anyone but missed it completely when God himself was standing right in front of them. Jesus’ rebuke of “you remain guilty because you claim you can see” is a wake up call: they were lost and deceived without even knowing it. It takes humility to admit there might be things we don’t see rightly. And as strongly as we feel something, it takes courage to admit we might be wrong.

Applying the Johari window to our lives can begin by asking a trusted friend or loved one:

• “What do you see about me that I don’t?”
• “What patterns (of behavior, communication, relationship) do you see in my life that I might be missing?”

Not all feedback has to be negative. Sometimes what we are blind to are our strengths, gifts, and ways we positively impact others.

Finally, the last quadrant of the window—the Unknown—is where we can invite the God who created us to fill in the picture. The process of discovering who we are in Christ and how God has uniquely fashioned us is a lifelong journey. There may be much we don’t see, but Jesus is in the business of restoring sight.

Written by: Aaron Jones, LICSW (Senior Clinician)

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The Here and Now Newsletter :: Wisdom for Navigating Life's Challenges