“I’m embarrassed to say this, but I feel..”

It’s not easy to open up. Many of us approach counseling, and reaching out for help in general, with ambivalence. We want to feel better and know that talking can help, but the act of expressing vulnerable feelings is uncomfortable. Right as we’re on the precipice of diving into raw emotion, we can get cold feet. There are many ways to avoid taking this plunge, but one that often presents itself: instead of feeling our feelings, we become their judge.

It can be easy to intellectualize conversations and speak about feelings from a distance. Instead of letting raw emotion come to the surface, we catch it at a distance and judge it.

“It’s silly to admit this... It’s stupid to feel this way... I know this sounds dumb and makes me a bad Christian...”

Easier than owning and embodying vulnerable emotions such as fear, sadness, loneliness and shame, we self-criticize and deliver a guilty verdict. This can feel safer and give us a sense of control. We think that if we can pronounce moral judgment on ourselves it might be counted as virtuous and atone for our failures.

The problem is these judgments lead to a conversational dead end and don’t allow for the possibility of growth. Beating ourselves up only leads to striving and doesn’t motivate sustainable change. What takes courage is to welcome those feelings: to lean into the young, messy, fearful parts of ourselves. By giving voice to our emotional experience with a safe listener, we not only find words for what we’re feeling - we also find we don’t have to feel it alone.

In Christian discourse we often hear of the importance of being “born again” and that we must “become like children to enter the Kingdom of God.” But maybe less discussed is the process of “growing in Christ,” to which the authors of the New Testament consistently refer. Starting as a spiritual infant (in Greek: nepios) and growing up into a mature adult (in Greek: teleios), the clear expectation is that we all start as babies and have a lot of growing up to do! This permission to learn— to not have everything all figured out—is crucial to growing in our emotional life as well.

It can be easy to associate a harsh inner critic with the voice of God. But it’s recorded 12 times in the Gospels that Jesus was “moved with compassion” towards those in need. Consider: what does a compassionate God sound like, and how might it feel to receive his care? The heart posture of God himself shows us how we might approach our own vulnerability.

By welcoming it with openness and curiosity, we notice how our body is experiencing sadness, fear, or longing and say what it feels like. Words are powerful containers of emotion, and the act of naming feelings helps metabolize the emotion. We finally get in touch with what we need, and in those moments can allow God to actively father us. This experience of God meeting us with compassion and understanding leads us through difficulty and into growth.

Written by: Aaron Jones, LICSW (Senior Clinician)

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Harbor is Growing! Two New Locations Now Open!

Just over nine years ago, Harbor launched in Boston with the aim of serving the city and its near neighbors. Since then, the Harbor team and the clients we serve have spread out significantly. So we are excited to announce that Harbor is opening two new locations with the aim of making biblically informed, gospel driven, clinically skilled counseling available to people across Eastern Massachusetts.
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In late July, we opened our second location on CAPE COD in Hyannis. And on September 1st, we will be opening a third location - METRO NORTH - located in Woburn and conveniently accessible to anyone north of Boston. And, of course, our original location in BOSTON is still going strong!

Each site will have the same heart, same mission, same quality of care - just more places to find it!

Even as we add new in-person options, TELEHEALTH care remains a core part of our service model at Harbor. Our most widely accessible option continues to be our “virtual office” where our team provides safe, secure, and effective telehealth services that allow you to connect with your provider from wherever you are located.

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The Here and Now Newsletter :: Wisdom for Navigating Life's Challenges