Do you ever feel completely overcome by your emotions? Do you notice yourself shutting down and feeling numb? Or on the other hand, lashing out and feeling extremely anxious?
If you are finding it challenging to regulate your emotions in times of stress, it’s likely that you are functioning outside of your Window of Tolerance.
The Window of Tolerance is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, MD to describe and understand a person’s “optimal zone” for everyday functioning. Being in our optimal zone does not mean that life is completely stress-free or that you are in a state of emotional neutrality. Rather, what it does mean is that you feel capable of managing your emotions and whatever stressors do arise without feeling out of control or shutting down.
Some indicators of being in this optimal zone include:
You are able to implement healthy boundaries
You feel present with those around you
Your emotions and responses feel proportionate to events and situations
You’re able to adapt to minor inconveniences and unexpected disruptions in your day
When we begin to deviate from our optimal zone, we start to feel emotionally dysregulated. In this state, we are starting to feel overwhelmed but not feeling out of control quite yet. For example, we might be starting to feel irritable and uneasy or low and “spacey.” In a sense, emotional dysregulation is our body’s way of communicating to us that something doesn’t feel quite right.
A simple analogy that I offer my clients to understand this concept is to picture the Window of Tolerance as a sidewalk. When we’re on a sidewalk, someone bumping into us might bother us a little, but we'll most likely shrug it off and keep on our merry way. However, if we have experienced trauma, mental health challenges, a significant loss, or are in a particularly challenging season of life, this causes our Window (or “sidewalk” if you will) to narrow. Our sidewalk starts to feel more like a balance beam or maybe even tightrope! Forget someone walking into us - even a strong gust of wind can easily cause us to feel unsteady and get kicked into a state of “survival mode,” also known as “hyper- or hypo-arousal.”
Check out the infographic below for a breakdown of what this can look and feel like:
Click to view larger and/or download this free PDF resource
The Window of Tolerance is a powerful tool that helps us understand our capacity, recognize our triggers, and better understand our feelings of emotional dysregulation. From there, we can begin to practice self-compassion and engage in coping skills such as deep breathing and grounding techniques to get back into our optimal zone.
While various factors can narrow our Window, God has also created us with an incredible capacity for resilience and growth, such that we can actually expand our Window over time through regular rhythms of self-care. Additionally, we want to remember that these fight, flight, and freeze responses are God-given mechanisms to keep us safe and help us respond to danger. We are not trying to expand our windows to a point of tolerating harm, abuse or other dangerous situations.
To better understand practical ways to return to your optimal zone and expand your Window over time, consider connecting with someone from our team. You can start by filling out our intake request form. Or share about what you have learned about yourself and your own Window with a trusted friend and commit to regular self-care practices together.
Written by: Jessica Abraham, LMHC (Senior Clinician)
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